


If I Could Tell Them...

by Belle (sxnshine)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor’s alive, F/F, F/M, M/M, M/M/M, Polyamorous relations, Polyamory, Still ongoing so gonna update tags, Suicide Attempt, Will no longer update, cri, dontlikedontread, enjoy, first two chapters are shitty but it gets better I swear, poor gay panic hansen™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-02-15 10:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13029543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxnshine/pseuds/Belle
Summary: Evan Hansen has been crushing on this guy for years... or should I say guys? He’s afraid to make a move since doing so might ruin his current relationship with those two people.But then again, what’s a love story without love?EDIT: THIS WORK WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATED AND WILL BE MARKED COMPLETED AS OF 8/26/18





	1. We’ll go from here

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be an ongoing series! I don’t have a set schedule of when I’m updating, but hopefully it’s going to be often since it’s winter break!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan Hansen goes over to Jared’s for the night.

6:25 Evan Hansen’s house

If there was one thing Evan Hansen hated more than answering the pizza delivery guy, it was the darkness. Both metaphorically and literally. It’s been like that since he was 6. His ninja turtle nightlight was still underneath his bed (he knew that he should probably get rid of it, but he couldn’t bring himself to), and the glow-in-the-dark stars were still stuck on his ceiling (they stopped glowing but whatever). He hated the loneliness of the dark, the fact that there was nothing there, you didn’t know what was going to come out of it. Speaking of which, Heidi had to take the night shift, meaning that Evan was alone that night.

He exited his room and went down the stairs, hands in his sweatshirt clutching his phone— he stumbled on the first step— then walked towards the dining room. As per usual, she left a post-it note on the dining table;

_ I’m working late today. I left 20$ on the table so you can just order pizza for dinner. _

_ -Mom _

It said, and beside it was the promised 20 bucks. He pulled up a chair and sat down, knees pulled up to his chest. He pulled his phone out and opened it to a message from Jared.

_ wanna come over and play video games and talk about  
how cute murphy is??? (u talk about murphy i mean) _

  
Evan low-key giggled. Why, I don’t have a clue, but let’s just say he liked a certain someone... or two. See, he may or may not have a crush on Jared Kleinman, and he may or may not have a crush on Connor Murphy. He was lost in his thoughts until he felt a buzz from his phone.

_ but like u dont have 2 since get 2 bed early and shit _

Jared once again. He hastily opened it up to type a reply, but then remembered that he should probably leave a note to his mom just in case, so that she wouldn’t worry. On the same post-it note, he scribbled the words “Over at Jared’s. -Evan”, then left a text to Heidi after, just in case.

“Okay... that should be good.” He murmured to himself, then exited the kitchen to the door where he slipped on a pair of blue sneakers. He attempted turning the doorknob, but realized he forgot to unlock it. So he did, went outside, locked the door, and started walking to Jared’s.

 


	2. Chilling...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is at Jared’s playing video games and low-key freaking out about his feelings for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look a new chapter! Enjoy lol!

6:40 To Jared’s House

It was a quick walk. Jared’s house was just a few houses away. Evan strolled across the pavement with his hands in his pockets; eyeing each step he took to make sure he didn’t trip, and occasionally glancing at each door he passed to make sure he didn’t miss Jared’s.

After a few minutes, he was ringing the doorbell to the Kleinman household.

Ding dong! Mrs. Kleinman had answers the door.

“Oh, Evan! Jared called, didn’t he? I think he’s upstairs in his room.” She chirped absentmindedly. She was glancing at the magazine that was in her hand.

“O-okay! Thank you!” Evan replied. He stood on the steps leading to the door awkwardly until Mrs. Kleinman gestured him to come inside, which was when he rushed up to Jared’s room.

When he reached the door to Jared’s room, he once again stood there awkwardly, since he figured that entering uninvited would be rude, and he would possibly be intruding on something which would be embarrassing if he did _oh what if Jared didn’t want to hang out anymore and this was all a mistake—_

“Hey, Ev! Are you gonna stand there forever or are you gonna come inside?” A familiar voice snapped Evan out of his daze. Jared was now standing by the door, leaning against it with his arms crossed against his to be exact. Right... Evan thought as his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He looked up at Jared, whose hair was all fluffed out and glasses askew on his face. It looked really cute... _wait..._

 _Nonono! Don’t think gay thoughts!_ Evan mentally screeched at himself. Evan felt his face turn redder.

“O-oh! Right... haha... Sorry... I’ll just um... yeah...” He said while promptly being dragged by the arm to Jared’s bed. No. Stop thinking gay thoughts we’re not there yet.

“You’re so weird!” Jared said jokingly, “Check out what I got!” He held up a case containing what seemed to be a video game. A big grin was forming on Jared’s lips.

“It’s Apocalypse of the Damned! I finally earned enough to get it!” He said enthusiastically, he looked like a kid at Christmas... or something, they didn’t celebrate Christmas but still he was so adorable— Holy heck those gay thoughts were coming back, _Evan—_

“W-wow Jared that’s awesome!” Evan answered truthfully. Jared had been begging for that game for forever (no pun intended), it was great to see him finally get it.

“Isn’t it? I was hoping we could play it together!”

“Actually?”

“Yeah!”

Now, you’d think that Evan wouldn’t be the type to be interested in video games, ones about zombie apocalypses to be exact, but he was, albeit not hardcore or anything but he was pretty into it... and I mean, that’s a way for him to hang out with Jared and not get hit with a cannon of negative feelings so it was pretty cool.

Jared was already putting the disk into his Xbox.

”Let’s get this thing started!”


	3. Sleepover, huh?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Video games and Murphy here and there, Jared doesn’t act like a dick towards his mom... and a sleepover?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished this chapter! I pretty much procrastinated the past 12 days... but at least I got two other fics done,, :P  
> Also, this chapter is much longer so yay!  
> Anyways, enjoy!

Evan and Jared sat next to each other, controllers in hand, and the tv screen in front of them... yes, Jared had a tv in his room. Their ears were filled with the sound of clicking and virtual guns firing.

“Shit!” Jared cursed loudly. It was enough for the others downstairs to hear it, since his mom shouted back a warning.

“Watch your language!”

“Whoops.” He said to himself, “Sorry, mom!” He said, not really meaning it. He was too focused on the game. “Ev, go over to the back, I’ll distract ‘em while you attack from behind!”

Evan complied. He bit his tongue, focused, doing as Jared told. He moved his player over to that spot, and Jared used his player to distract the creature like he said before. Evan lurched forward along with the player on-screen right when Jared signaled him to do his part. He watched as the zombie fell to the ground.

“Yes!” The two shouted in unison. They high-fived each other enthusiastically. This was one of those times Evan could just spend time with Jared and have him not make any snarky comments aimed at him. Oh, and that “family friend” bullshit he always pulled. He hated it so much, it was just a reminder to him that Jared would never, ever love him back. Stupid fucking feelings, stupid fucking heart, why did he even have to feel like this, why, why, why?!

“Hey Hansen, you okay over there in that head of yours?” Evan looked up in surprise. He was lost in his thoughts, per usual. Jared had paused the game. He was now looking at Evan, concern in his eyes, although he’d never admit being concerned about Evan. The blond boy nodded.

“S-sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts...” He said nervously. A smirk was forming on the other boy’s lips.

“Been thinking about Zoe?”

“Huh?? U-um... I mean...”

“So you were!” Oh right, of course, When Jared texted him, he meant Zoe Murphy, not Connor Murphy. He didn’t know about that yet. It was actually kind of a (not so) funny story, how Jared came to think that Evan liked the younger Murphy. Speaking of which, why don’t we go back to that...

❁❁❁❁❁❁Junior Year❁❁❁❁❁❁

Evan was sitting in class, math to be specific. Usually he’d be focusing on the subject, but not today, nope. A certain boy with dark locks sneaking past his neck was sitting in front of him. Evan knew who he was; Connor Murphy, the kid who smoked pot behind the school. Evan didn’t really see him as the type... yeah he may smoke, but just not behind the school. To “basic” or classic or whatever. In all honesty, he looked pretty nice, or just looked pretty... that could work too, he guessed. He started absentmindedly scribbling hearts onto his notebook paper, and maybe writing Murphy on the middle of the page, then drawing a heart around it. He had been doing this repeatedly everyday, every math class, the only class they shared that year.

One day though, as he did this I-guess-you-could-call-daily ritual, a certain Jared Kleinman was sitting beside him that day. Oh, did I mention Jared was in the same math class? I don’t think I did. Well he was, and he was looking over at Evan’s paper, in hope of finding something to copy homework answers off. Bad timing Jared.

“Holy fuck.” He muttered to himself. “What are you, a thirteen-year old girl?” Which this time he addressed more to the boy in the striped blue polo. Evan instinctively hid the paper behind a textbook, then blushed a bright red.

The bell rang. When they were about to leave for the next class, Jared pulled Evan aside.

“The hell was on that paper?” He said questioningly. Evan blushed profusely once more. “Murphy?” He paused and thought for a moment. “Oh my god you like Murphy?!” He said it somewhat loudly... thank god no one was around then.

“Uh um, gah, I-I...” Evan was panicking. Fuck, now Jared knew he liked Connor! That was bad. Also because he maybe liked Jared too? And he probably shouldn’t have thought that. Is it even possible to like two different people??? _Shit, shit, shit—_

“Hey dude, chill. It’s fine if you like Zoe. I’m not gonna murder you or anything.” Jared said, attempting to calm Evan down (who’s hands were sweating profusely and was overreacting too much... is that possible?) without showing that he cared... too much.

 _Oh right. Zoe, of course. He doesn’t know I’m bi_. He sighed thankfully.

“Right, yeah, um... I guess I do... sorry... and um, I should get to class... see you later!” He said nervously, then turned around and ran over to his next class, leaving Jared behind.

❁❁❁❁❁❁Real Time❁❁❁❁❁❁

Haha. That would be a good story to tell someday, when Evan finally builds up the courage to tell them how he feels... and when they say they feel the same way, which is beyond likely.

“You’ve been pining, pun intended, for her since junior year. When are you gonna tell her?” Jared asked. Evan, who found the joke funny somehow, laughed softly and shrugged in response to his question.

“May never will.” He said disbelievingly. It was true, he never really planned on confessing... to the two, not Zoe. Okay, he’d admit Zoe was pretty, but she just saw her more of a friend type—not dating material. Oh now that sounds like he was talking about her as a sort of item... but in short, he just didn’t feel that way about her.

“Okay then. You’re loss.” Jared told him. “Oh, and I’m gonna shut this off.”

“Guess so, and okay.” Evan replied. He slumped back against the side of Jared’s bed. He watched as Jared shut the tv off, took the disk off the console, and set the controllers aside. He took a seat next to Evan.

“Hey Jared, Evan! Dinner’s ready!” It was Jared’s mom. The two jumped at the sound of her voice and raced downstairs, having been hungry due to not eating anything beforehand.

When they reached the dining room, Jared’s mom was placing the last for on the dinner table. His dad was on a business trip that weekend so he wasn’t there that night. His mom figured that Evan would probably stay here overnight, or at least long enough for dinner, since she knew Heidi had to work a late shift that day (they were friends).

“So Evan,” she started once they all sat around the dinner table and had food on their plates, “are you doing anything this summer? Any plans?”

“Oh yes, a-actually I’m, um, working as an apprentice park ranger at the local park!” He said, sounding prouder about it towards the end, when he managed to form the words he was going to say. “I’m giving tours and stuff... and I’ve been l-learning a lot a-about the environment!”

“I see! Are you enjoying it so far?”

“Definitely!” He said enthusiastically. He thought he saw Jared at the corner of his eye smiling to himself... but he was probably just seeing weird things.

“That’s wonderful! I’m glad you found something you really liked.” She told him gladly.

The meal continued on peacefully. After that, Evan, being the kind and pure soul he was, helped Jared’s mom clear the table, which led to Jared helping too because he didn’t want to seem like a dick.

“Hey, thank you for helping. Now, why don’t you two go to bed now?” The older woman suggested, “Jared, why don’t you get that sleeping bag from the closet so that Evan has a place to sleep?”

“Oh no, um... you don’t have to... I can walk back to my house it’s fine...”

“No no! It’s too dark out! It’s alright if you stay here, don’t worry.” She said assuringly.

“I-I... thank you, I really appreciate it, Mrs. Kleinman.” Evan said thankful. In comparison to Jared, she was really nice... mom-ish. He saw Jared run upstairs, following his mom’s orders.

Evan followed. When he entered the room, a blue sleeping bag was laid out on the floor, a pillow too. He thanked Jared, who shrugged it off in response. He took off his sweatshirt, which he had on since earlier at his place. He remembered that his phone was in the pocket once it dropped down to the sleeping bag on the floor. He picked it up and put it on the sweatshirt which was neatly folded beside the sleeping bag.

“This reminds me of those sleepovers we had as kids. You don’t really come over as often now.” Jared said suddenly.

“Yeah... you’re right I guess.”

“But not too get sentimental or some shit.”

“Right.”

“Anyways, ‘night Ev.” Jared said, already pulling his blanket up.

“‘Night...” Evan lay down too. Blanket up to his chest. “Sleepover, huh?” He muttered.


	4. Evan low-key gets a heart attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Park, work, Connor, heart attack, the usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know this chapter is late but I had to finish a project the past couple of weeks so I apologize. But hey Connor’s here!

_ 7:15 To The Park _

Evan had eaten one piece of toast and a glass of milk for breakfast over at the Kleinman’s. Jared was still asleep upstairs. Evan had to go back home to change into his park ranger uniform since he was working today.

“Thank you for having me, Mrs. Kleinman!” He told the older woman, who was standing by the door, a paper bag in hand.

“It’s no problem, sweetheart! Here, just so that you have something to eat.” The woman said while handing Evan the bag (it contained a sandwich). “Goodbye, Evan!”

“G-goodbye Mrs. Kleinman!” He waved, then proceeded to walk away from the home. _That went pretty well... Jared didn’t burst, so that’s good! But I mean he still won’t love me back either way but it’s a good start I guess to get him to like me at least a bit more and I’m getting ahead of myself..._ Evan thought in a mix of happiness and pain. He attempted to push these thoughts away for now (it half-worked).

  
He got home fairly quickly. He unlocked and opened the door, stepped inside, then proceeded to lock it once more. He took off his sneakers and ran upstairs. Before entering his room, he took a peak in his mom’s to check if she was still here; she was. She was asleep on her bed, the blanket hadn’t even been pulled up over her. Evan smiled. On days like today, she’d usually feel bad when she wakes up to a text from Evan, knowing she didn’t prepare him anything to eat (but today he’d tell her Mrs. Kleinman was nice enough to prepare him a snack, so she wouldn’t worry too much).

He sighed and quickly tip-toed to his room, and proceeded to change into his uniform.

He fastened the last button on his shirt and stuffed his phone into the pocket on his hoodie. “Okay...” He stood up straight and took a breath. “Let’s do this!” He cheered silently. He zoomed out of the room then down the stairs (don’t worry Heidi was fast asleep she wasn’t hearing anything). He was at the front door now slipping his shoes on and tying his laces. He stood up from his crouched position and checked to make sure his phone was still there—it was. He took out his keys and unlocked the door. After that, he was gone.

❁❁❁❁❁❁At the Park❁❁❁❁❁❁

Evan stood at the gates of the park. He saw his boss (Steve, was it?) standing by the cabin near the entrance. The blonde boy waved. Steve waved back. He hurried his steps and made his way towards the older man.

“Hello, Evan!” The man boomed, “Alright, let’s get right to work.” He handed Evan a clipboard.

“So you have your first tour at 7:45, to this summer camp group.” He pointed at the name of it on the clipboard, “I’m sure you already know where to go, considering your success in former tours.” He took a breath, “Then you have the usual ones at these times. I suggest you take a photo of this.” Steve was getting ready to take the schedule back.

“O-oh, right!” He took out his phone and snapped a picture of his side of the schedule. “Alrighty, then...” He mumbled. _Time to get to work! Don’t. Fucking. Screw. This. Up._ He saw the first group at the corner of his eye.

“That’s your cue!” He heard his boss say, then saw him walk away and back into the cabin.

Evan took a breath and formed a smile on his face.

“Welcome to Croswell Park! My name is E-Evan and I’ll be your tour g-guide today!” That’s it Evan, 1-2-3, just gotta keep at it! He counted mentally, in attempt to not freak out and mess up somehow. “So today we’re going to be looking at...”

❁❁❁❁❁❁A Successful Tour Later❁❁❁❁❁❁

“...so this here is a black walnut, so you notice how there are so little plants around the tree?” The children (probably 7-8 year olds) nodded. “That’s because of a chemical produced by the tree, which refrains other plants from growing nearby. And no, it is not dangerous.” A bright smile plastered Evan’s lips, obviously enjoying spilling all of his tree knowledge to the curious children.

“Well, won’t you look at that? Isn’t that cool? And hey, look, there are walnuts!” The teacher pointed to the ground and up to the tree, walnuts thrown about. The children “wowed” and dropped to their knees to look at them all.

“This is so cool!” A boy beamed to his friend. This is what Evan really loved seeing. Other people appreciating the wonder of nature and trees and all the good things in this world. Screw Jared (literally) for dissing him about his tree facts.

“Well, this is where your journey ends! I hope y-you enjoyed it! You can always stop by some other time. Goodbye!” Evan said cheerfully. Ah, this is why he loved working here. The trees, and the fresh air, the curious faces, it’s great. He watched as the children waved at him as they got on the bus. They drove off. He smiled—

“Oh hey there, you’re cute.” Evan whipped is head around, only to be pinned to the entrance arch. A boy much, much taller than him wore a suggestive smirk on his face. Evan’s hands started sweating profusely and his brain was running miles. “You know when you’re done with your shift we coul—“

“Hey you, asshole. Fuck off.” The other tall boy turned around to see where the voice came from. A boy with a similar height and a dark grey hoodie stood menacingly, both fists clenched, getting ready to hit... which he did. He raised his fist and aimed it for the guy’s face.

“Okay, okay, dude. Chill!” The dubbed “asshole” sprinted away. “Fuckin’ psycho.”

Once he was out of sight, the boy in the grey hoodie walked slowly toward Evan, fists unclenched and hanging on his sides. “Hey, uh, you okay? Did he do anything to you?” He asked him awkwardly.

“O-oh! I-I’m fine, thank you by the way... nothing, he didn’t do... okay... sorry” Evan immediately recognized the face. Connor Murphy... no, not the bodybuilder, the Connor from class.

“I’m Connor.” Connor held out his hand politely.

“I-um... I’m Evan!” He squeaked, shaking his the other boy’s hand. _ohmygodevanit’sconnormurphydon’tfreakoutjuststaycalmpretendlikeyouhaven’tbeencrushingonhimeversinceokaystaycalm—_

“Yeah, it says on your name tag.”

“Oh! Right! Sorry...”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“W-well i told you my name, butyoualreadyknewitsinceitwasonmynametagandIforgotthatanditwasreallystupidofmetoforgetandI’m sorry...”

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” He said in a caring voice that you wouldn’t think he would be capable of.

“Right... sor—I mean yeah.” They stood in silence for a few moments. “Soo, you come here often?”

“Oh, no! I was just taking a walk and I happened to be here at the right time.” Connor stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Well, I was lucky then.” Evan smiled softly because god forbid was he thinking such unholy things and this isn’t the time Evan—

“Yeah...” _Damn, he’s cute._ His face turned a shade of pink. “Speaking of which, I felt like I’ve seen you before...” He paused for a moment, “School, right? We’re in the same class?”

Evan gulped. “Yup! Um, I sit behind you in AP Literature.”

“Oh yeah, I remember you.” A hint of a smile crossed Connor’s face. “Well, see you around, I guess.”

“Yeah, see you around!” Evan waved, once again, awkwardly. But so did Connor, so it was a shared awkwardness.

Connor walked away, that hint of a smile still on his face. He sure as hell was going to make sure he saw him again.

  
_OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD—_ Evan was sure he was going to have a heart attack one way or another.


	5. A little update!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some things about this fic I wanted to get through!

Hey! It’s Mina. No, this is not an update, sorry to disappoint you guys. I wanted to talk about a few things about this fic.

So first, the next chapter will be coming in pretty late, since it’s been almost a week since I last updated? Unfortunately, all the other updates may take a bit longer too. Since I’m going to be really busy with school and real life, I can’t update, or at least start writing chapters more often. I’ve been slacking off from my studies nowadays, so I’m going to get back on track before I continue writing. The 5th chapter will be out in a bit, since I already wrote most of it. Thanks for understanding!

-minabon (a.k.a. the writer)


	6. Stovetops and Mockingbirds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan accidentally puts his hand to the stovetop and Connor’s POV finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day, ya’ll! I haven’t updated in so long,, well, here’s the 5th chapter!

If someone were to ask Evan how he’d describe his crushes on Jared and Connor, well he’d probably say something along the lines of this;

“Well, I think m-my crush on Connor is just a... crush. Like the ones you get in middle school sort of thing, it just sort of happens, unlike with Jared. My feelings for him developed over time, by spending time together and all... and I know him more. They’re not just random feelings that appeared out of no where, you know?”

Then he’d start fidgeting and feel really uncomfortable. He’d ask to leave, and that means we should probably get started on the story.

 

When Evan’s shift finally ended, he walked back home. Now he was sitting on his bed, laptop on his, well, lap and scrolling through posts on Instagram. Oh, there was a picture of Zoe and some others. She was smiling wide, a cup of frozen yoghurt in hand. He’d admit, Zoe was pretty, so he’d understand why Jared would think he’d have a crush on her. Thank god there were two Murphy’s. It would have been horrible if there was just one Murphy (as in just Connor) and Jared saw what was in that paper. He sighed in relief. He scrolled through his dashboard for a while, liking a post or two every now and then. Before he knew it, the sky had become dark. Evan felt a low grumbling in his stomach and realized that he should probably eat. Speaking of which, how long ago had he eaten? Maybe at 12, during his lunch break? God he was hungry. He wondered whether there was any leftovers in the fridge.

“Well, might as well check.” He shut off his laptop and stood up, holding it underneath an arm. He set it onto his desk, which was piled with comic books and college essay admissions his mom loved to collect. She always thought he was a wonderful writer, Evan didn’t really believe so but would play along anyway. He exited his room, going down the stairs and walking towards the fridge. He opened it, unfortunately finding nothing. He looked in the cupboards and found a cup of instant noodles, which Evan supposed would have to do. He set up the stove and started boiling water in a pot. He held up the container of noodles to his face, squinting to read the small print that held the instructions. His hand lowered down until—

“SHIT!”

His hand had touched the burning spot which heated the pot. His hand darted out immediately, he was hissing in pain. He ran to the sink to rinse his hand in cold water. Instead he was greeted with more burning, hot, painful liquid. He hissed in pain, he turned the knob to the cold setting, and sighed when it finally cooled down. It still fucking hurt though. He took it out of the faucet which was now turned off. He opened a drawer containing cloth and wrapped his injured hand in it. He took out an ice pack from the freezer and held it to his hand.

He waited a couple minutes. Why was he in the kitchen again? Oh right, food. It was probably done by now.

  
❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

  
When he had finished eating and cleared the dishes, he walked upstairs to his room. He sighed. He had to work tomorrow again, so he might as well go to sleep a little earlier. But he didn’t really feel that tired, especially since his hand hurt like hell still. He could just lay down for a bit, since he didn’t really know what else to do. He could text Jared, but knowing him he probably wouldn’t respond until tomorrow. He was “busy”, he always told Evan. In fact, when Jared asked him to come over, he was genuinely surprised, since he hadn’t really talked to him in a while, he’d actually been avoiding him since the start of summer... What was it Jared would go to during this time? Oh right, that summer camp thing. When did that usually start? This Monday, was it? One second, did Jared ask Evan to come over because he wasn’t going to be seeing him for the next couple of weeks? Because he missed him? Nah. He probably just felt bad for Evan since he wasn’t doing much that summer, so he invited him over. _Besides,_ Evan thought, _Jared didn’t really hang out with anyone else, or at least that’s what I’ve seen, so he probably only has a limited choice of people to talk to. Gah, it’s no use thinking about this, he probably just felt like it._ Evan tried to calm the thoughts rushing through his brain, but either way, they stayed. Now Evan was definitely not getting any sleep tonight. 

 

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

 

Meanwhile, while Evan was failing at falling asleep, Connor was sitting alone in the darkness of his room. Well, it wasn’t technically _dark, dark,_ since a small fake plastic candle lit up the bed area Connor sat in, reading a book... How to Kill a Mockingbird, to be precise. He had read it nearly 15 times, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. Because if you reread things multiple times, something new you might have overlooked before could pop up. And of course, it was a good book.

Today though, he couldn’t quite focus on his book. He was... distracted. That blonde-haired boy in a park ranger uniform kept running through his mind. His face was awfully red, was he just prone to getting sunburns or was he blushi—

Connor shook his head, and in turn his own face turned a shade of pink. _Of course not, why would anyone be blushing because of him??_ He closed his book, being unable to read any longer, then reached for his phone. He saw two notifications. One was a reminder of a new song release on SoundCloud. He mentally noted to check that out later. The other was from Zoe, asking where he had run off to earlier in the day. Ah, speaking of earlier, there was a reason Connor happened to be at the right spot to save Evan from... whatever was going on over there.

  
Well, he was actually walking with Zoe to the library since she was meeting friends over there to get to the froyo place, and she said that he might as well just go with her and check out more books or something. Connor said no, but his mom insisted, asking him to do something nice with Zoe for once. He complied. Normally, he’d be ecstatic at a trip to the library, and he was actually. But that was before he met Zoe’s friends.

When the two of them approached the library, a group of girls and a boy on their phones looked up to glance at them. They spotted Connor first, and so did Connor himself. He saw them turn to each other, hands covering mouths and whispers and snickers escaping. He knew what they were talking about. The boy, he remembers seeing him before but never bothered to learn his name, actually yells out.

“Hey, you! Funny seeing you with Zoe. Had a feeling she didn’t tolerate freaks like you!” The others snickered. Zoe ignored it, said a barely-audible sorry to Connor, and walked over to her friends. Connor could hear a quiet “stop being a dick” from Zoe. He felt his blood boil, but he had to hold back... so he ran. In the corner of his eye, he could see Zoe laughing with her friends, completely unaware that her brother had just run off to god knows where. He kept running, passing building by building, shop by shop. He started to sweat and feel tired—he wasn’t the biggest athlete. He slowed down into a walking pace. He felt himself calm down. He looked to his right and saw trees. Like, a whole lot of them. Oh right, the park was around here. He thought he might as well go over there, until he saw something peculiar.

A tallish guy towering over a blonde-haired boy in a park ranger uniform, whom he recognized from school, against the entrance arch. _Evan Hansen, was it?_ He stopped walking and observed. Hansen looked uncomfortable, and he had a frightened look on his face. Where the hell was that guy’s hand going... and that’s where Connor’s calm finally ended.

“Hey you, asshole. Fuck off.” He called loudly, clenching his fists and ready to aim for the guy’s face. The guy span around to look at him. That was his biggest mistake, because Connor’s fists came flying straight to his face. Hansen was shaking, probably still shocked at what the stranger did, or what Connor had done with his fists. He watched as the receiver of the punch clutch his face.

“Okay, okay, dude. Chill!” He gave a dirty look to Connor, and spat, “Fuckin’ psycho.”

Connor was ready to repeat his previous actions, but the “asshole” had already ran away. He sighed. He walked tentatively towards Evan.

“Hey, you okay?” He tried to put on more of a friendly, I-didn’t-just-punch-a-guy-in-the-face aura. “Um, did he do anything to you?” How the fuck do you make friends.

Hansen started stuttering, “n-n-no I’m fine... thank you by the way... and he didn’t do... sorry...”

“I’m Connor.” He held out his hand. If he was going to make a friend, he might as well try to do it right.

“I-um, I’m Evan!” He squeaked out. Connor knew his name, since he was in his class. But he didn’t want to tell him that so he just stated the obvious.

“Yeah, it says it on your name tag.”

He apologized. Connor noticed his hands fidgeting, his face reddening.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“W-well i told you my name, butyoualreadyknewitsinceitwasonmynametagandIforgotthatanditwasreallystupidofmetoforgetandI’m sorry...” Damn he could talk. He looked down at this boy. How on earth did he even land a job here at the park? He was so... timid and small. He supposed he might as well be nice to the boy.

“Hey, it’s okay. No need to apologize.” He said gently, the smaller boy just blushed furiously.

Hansen refrained from saying sorry. He asked if he came here often. They talk, like, actually talk like normal human beings. No shouting, no weird awkward silences, nothing. Just normal human interaction. Both of them were shocked. Connor noticed a small smile forming on the other boy’s face. _Holy shit was he cute._ He realized.

He felt a smile creep to his own face.

“Well, see you around, I guess.”

“Yeah, see you around!” Hansen waved. They stood in awkwardness for approximately two seconds, until Connor walked away. He was set on making a new friend this summer.

  
Connor’s face flushed from the memory of the cute boy, Evan Hansen, at the park. He seemed really nice. He decided a friend wouldn’t be too bad... problem was how he was going to make one.


	7. Sorry Guys...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An announcement.

To all the people who have been waiting months for an update, I’m sorry to say that there probably won’t be one in a while. I just haven’t been getting the right motivation to continue writing this fic, and honestly I haven’t been very into this fandom nowadays. I’m really sorry but I probably won’t update on this fic anymore... maybe I will if I ever feel like it again, but I won’t guarantee that. In the meantime, I’m trying to write other fics for other fandoms and trying to get my groove back. I hope you enjoyed the few chapters I wrote for this fic.

stay safe,

Mina

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @bellasaurus-rex


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